i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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