just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
