these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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