When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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