Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
