I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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