I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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