I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
