I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
