Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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