I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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