Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
