Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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