A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
