I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
