what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How's work?
Spinning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
