The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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