yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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