the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
