I hate all girls vehemently.
id be glad to
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
