I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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