Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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