I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize