direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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