he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
