Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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