It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
