If you die in college, do you die in real life?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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