I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
