Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
