all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
