she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
