Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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