I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
