BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
