last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
