Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
