i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
