So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am one with the molecules
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
