When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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