Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
