Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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