uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
