apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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