Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
