I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize