y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
