he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
