Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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