You just made me feel so damn special
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
