Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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