is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
