Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
