You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
