I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
