I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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