Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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