yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I could fuck to npr.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
