You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
