hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
