I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
