If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
