so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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