Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am one with the molecules
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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