he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
