is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
