You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
