Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize