and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
