I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
