You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize