I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
