please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize