WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
