i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
