Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
