Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
