some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
