Cold hands, warm shart.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
