really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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