I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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